Afraid

I saw a friend of sorts this evening and he asked how I was doing and I let him know that I was having a great day and explained why. The conversation then turned to my future career. He had asked what I wanted to REALLY do. And I shook my head and shrugged. I know the answer to this question, why did I shrug that way? Because he knows that I play in photography and that that's what I want to do. He suggested and encouraged me to do an apprenticeship with a local photographer. He complimented me and said I had a great eye and that I could do it as he's seen some of my work. And yes I do know that I'm capable of great things...but...I'm scared and he saw that in the reaction I gave to his suggestion. He inquired about my fear. And I responded.

I'm afraid of my own success.

I'm afraid that success will lead to independence and that that independence will lead to me being alone (I didn't quite get to the alone part because our conversation was cut a little short). But really, I'm already alone, so what have I got to lose. I've let fear run my life for quite some time now. I mean really...ten years to get my learner's permit. I'm going to start taking those small steps. And hopefully sooner rather than later I'll overcome some of those fears. We didn't get to finish our conversation, but hopefully we will. Even though the choices I make are my own, I still need all the encouragement and support I can get.