TMI Edition: The Beast is Hungry (Read with caution.)

Sometime Last Week:

My jeans are loose. Even after a good wash they're still loose. It kind of sucks ass. Sure I'm losing weight, BUT it means new ones are in order. And there are no funds for new stuff. Maybe my old favorite jeans will fit again. Too bad them bitches are in storage.

"Get your shit together and live your life."

Mmmmm...brownies.

I'm not sure I'm as strong as I think I am.

I need lots of help...from myself.

One thing I don't have the patience for is helping someone with computer issues. Say like...how to double click the mouse. Don't ask me computer questions via email/messages. I don't know what software you own or how your shit is set up.

Just because what I'M going through seems like nothing compared to what YOU went through doesn't mean my shit ain't hard. Different people are capable of handling different situations. Don't compare our situations.

I could use several shots of tequila right now. It scares me when I have the urge to drink alone. I don't want to go that route. I WON'T go that route.

I live too much of my life in my head fantasizing about how I'd like things to be. None of them ever come true. Reality check please.

Look woman haven't you figured it out by now that I don't really like talking to you and don't and won't share my personal life with you. And can you please, please, please step away from me the smell of all your 50 eleven cats is making me nauseous.

I always choose unwisely when it comes to men.

A hug or just being held for a few would be good right now.

If I didn't blog/list I think my head would spontaneously combust because of all the shit that slowly fills it up.

It's funny to watch people who lead with their bellies when they walk.

Maybe boyfriends/relationships are a foreign concept because the last one I had was when I was still a teenager. All we ever did WHEN we had time together was make out and sometimes talk. I know there's got to be more to it these days. Can I be younger again? I want a do over.

I want him so bad.

The weather is perfect tonight. I hope he comes out. [He did.]

I think I make myself too available sometimes and I end up coming off as desperate.

The music asked my soul to dance and I just couldn't say no. ~Me on D'Vine.

My knees are gonna be super eff'ed up tomorrow.

I'm very much a mess.

NotInterested has been a good friend.

I shouldn't have sent that message. It makes me sound emotional and crazy...because I am.

Never has he complimented anything about me...except to say my Chucks were nice. But that doesn't really count.

I have no clue why I'm so attracted to him.

I have major abandonment issues.

TheBestFriend: Good job, fiance, baby on the way, new house vs. Me: Not a damn thing. I know I can't compare our lives but dang...can't I get something?

I hate when I can't remember if I put on deodorant or not. [I did.]

Sorry Indianapolis, I'm kidnapping Nick and Court and taking them to Atlanta with us. Some of ya'lls can come too.

I was content to chill on the couch with him. Nothing more, nothing less.

I overanalyze EVERYTHING!!!

MY OWN PERSONAL POSTSECRET: Skip over this if you don't want to know.

- My own brother molested me. I know it's part of the reason I'm so fucked up.

- My dad tried to commit suicide less than a week before I graduated from high school. Just more to add to my fucked upedness.

- If you ever look at my left arm on the inside you'll notice a cross hatch of lightly faded scars. It's a daily reminder. Cutting didn't make the emotional pain go away like I thought it would.

I saw TheMetalHead/TheContender tonight. He didn't even acknowledge me.

I need sex in a bad way.

I think maybe I need to be abstinent. Sex causes me too much anxiety(?). It's such a beast that I can't currently feed.

I hate me right now.

ATLShawty says I'm sensitive and don't like people to have the wrong impression of me. I think he's right.

I think I subconsciously ruin all possibilities with men.

What a shame NotInterested couldn't get hard. I suppose it was for the better though. At least I got a little something out of it though.

I'm on a TMI roll this list.

I think he may have actually been attracted to me...until I hurt his ego.

Can we talk? Start over? [No need, we're still cool.]

THIS WEEK SO FAR:

The beast is hungry.

"Ten dollars to a bucket of shit." ~Pumpkin on her son.

ATE.TOO.MUCH.

"Show me your boobs." *random guy flashes me* Some people will do anything for free stuff.

Did I mention the beast was hungry? Let's play the blame game, it's his fault. He woke her up.

WTF??? I'm getting spam via text message now.

I miss my bed. Two more months at least.

I *heart* J.Dilla's use of kazoos in Geek Down. They're such a simple instrument.

I need a head rub, my scalp scratched and my hair pulled. Heck wash my hair while you're at it.

Every time I watch LA or Miami Ink it renews my desire for new ink.

Fuckin' A...NotInterested said he missed me. WTF is up with the shit. Maybe it wouldn't bother me so much if I was actually interested in him.

I'm grateful for my friends and their encouraging words.