Sunday, November 11, 2007

Baby I'm Back

Hello blog, I'm sorry I've been neglecting you for the past...well almost year in favor of lists. And while I love listing because it's easy and free flowing and each line is it's own little story, I miss you blog. I promise I'll try to stop by more often...I just need to ease back into it. Starting here we go. It's not much, but it's something.

This has been a week of a lot of changes and if you know me well enough you know that I'm not a fan of A LOT of change. If too much happens at once I have the tendency to go into a state of panic and my emotions take over and I don't know how to act.

In the last four or five months TheBestFriend has become a home owner, a landlord, a husband and this Monday he became a father. Words can't describe how happy I am for him. I still can't imagine him being a father though. TheBestFriend who I used to sit and have a pitcher and a pie with and who would dance around and act crazy silly is a FATHER. I know he's going to do a great job. That little girl is going to have him wrapped around her little pinky.

Tuesday I found out TheEx is engaged. Congratulations to him...but did I really have to find out via a MySpace bulletin? Couldn't he have called me or sent me a personal message? Guess not. I will admit I am a wee bit jealous. Here I am eight years later and I'm still single. He's been in several relationships and found the one and here I sit alone. Sure maybe it's not my time and that's fine, but...I wanna be starting something.

Then Wednesday was the dreaded day TheDancer picked up and moved to Tucson. She found a great job that took her away from Indianapolis. We've had a lot of fun the past couple of months hanging out and acting crazy and getting to know each other...sometimes finding out too much information. We always asked ourselves why we didn't hang out in college. We were just starting to get comfortable. I could really relate to her and tell her everything...something I haven't really been able to do with another girl. Sure she'll be back because she's from here, but it's not the same.

On top of all that Friday I moved in with my boss. I had been dreading that the most the whole week. Even more than the two job interviews I had scheduled. And it wasn't so much the moving or the moving in with my boss, but I moved down to the furthest region south in Indianapolis...the opposite corner of where I was previously living. A place I've never ventured before...far from everything and everyone I know. Sure Mr. and Mrs. 2Deep live out here and it's great that I'll be close to them...but it's not the same as the north side.

With all that has and was to happen this week I was feeling quite abandoned and lonely. And Thursday night and Friday morning it all came out in a fit of tears and sobs. But now I'm okay, just very unsure of how it will all turn out...job interviews and exile and all.

McDishes was quite insightful telling me sometimes you need everything and everyone stripped away from you in order to become the person you're supposed to be. That could very well be true. I wish it didn't have to happen this way, but hopefully it will help.

It's time for me to start making changes in my life step by step. Baby steps, but steps none the less so that one day I can have a great dream job, meet the one and start a family with him and maybe have a home to call our own. Getting my permit was such a big step for me and I'm glad I finally took it. I'm on my way.

I hope dear blog that we'll be seeing more of each other. I want to document the changes that are about to take place...I think it's about to be quite an adventure.

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