Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Reflecting on 2007

In no particular order...

Finally after too many years of fear and lost independence I mosied on down to the BMV, took the driver's permit test and passed. I've spent a few hours behind the wheel already and am becoming more comfortable with driving. I just need a lot of practice and a patient teacher. I hope by next October I'll have turned in my permit for a driver's license.

After twenty-three years the Lambino clan decided it was time we all got together again for a spankin' good time. A lot of new additions to the family and a few subtractions. Three cousins and our grandfather missing this time around. It was quite interesting to be around so many of my family members and to learn how much we are alike. There's no denying we're family. From the one hand back pat hug to our indecisiveness. Fun stuff. Of course no one wanted to cook authentic Filipino food, it was either Italian or Mexican or foraging for your own dinner. Hopefully it doesn't take another twenty-three years to get the family back together again. But then again really we're just not that close.

I acted out at the beginning of the fall (I think because of the depression) and fell into bed with a couple of gentlemen that I shouldn't have. It was reckless. Fun at the time, but quite reckless.

I came to the conclusion that I'm severely depressed. My own diagnosis, but an accurate one I believe. It's not just being down or sad, it's deeper than that. A lot of crying, a lot of laying in bed, a lot of feeling useless, a lot of not so very good thoughts. I tried to tell people the best way I could, but I think for the most part it fell on deaf ears. There was one person who listened though. I also took a step forward and mentioned it to a doctor who pointed me in the direction of a place that could help. Of course making the call and following through is going to be the tough part.

Going back to school was not in the cards this year. I really wanted to continue my studies in Graphic Design, but I had to put that on hold. I didn't have the finances. That and I'm not sure how the whole academic probation and reapplying is supposed to work. School and work and everything else that's been going. It's tough to balance.

The job hunt was fruitless. I submitted dozens of applications and had all of three interviews. I'm either under-qualified or over-qualified. Just give me a job. PLEASE!!! I do enjoy the job I have now, but it's not going to get me where I need to be and it's not helping with my financial status. School wants there money and without another job, they're not going to be getting it any time soon.

A dateless year and a half and when I finally decide that I'm going to give someone a chance and agree to go on a date I end up with some psycho. He stands me up, I give him another chance and he's late and makes me pay for dinner. Not only that but when I tell him I'm not interested he flips out and threatens me. Quite hilarious, but still. Geez, this dating thing. Maybe it's why I don't.

I finally met up with TheStudent this year and it was the best thirty-six hours of 2007. It was like we'd known each other forever. Very comfortable, a relaxing mini vacation where I was able to just be. If I could've stayed longer I would've. I wanted to spend a lot more of the year with him, but it just wasn't in the cards. Hopefully I get to see him again soon.

I finally met up with TheWriter as well as NotInterested. It seems this year was the year to meet up with those I met online after a year or more knowing each other.

Met a handful of new friends or maybe more so acquaintances. A few friendships sort of...I don't know...changed definitely. Not sure what happened or what was lost. Other friendships grew.

One person I met this year in particular I'm still crushing on big time and glad that I took that step and contacted him. He's been influential in my life thus far and I believe will have quite the impact on what's to come. There's something about him. I don't know what it is. He makes me want to try harder and do better and make changes. I'm thankful for his friendship. He always says or does something that makes me smile/laugh. I wish we could take our friendship further. It could be a beautiful thing.

Oh and how could I forget the boy I met shortly before heading out to Cali for my family reunion. He was a cutie and I had the hardest time trying to talk to him...then a friend of a friend stepped in and we talked and had lunch and I found at at the ripe age of 25 he was divorced with two children. Talk about baggage, but I was still willing to take the chance and see what was up with him anyway. Even with the crazy mothers of his children, yes mothers plural...each child had a different mother. It seemed those women were a bit...territorial. He sort of disappeared less than a month after our meeting. Oh well.

I met another young gentleman as well around that time who had a child and seemed like a nice guy and one day he disappeared as well. Actually this year I met several men with children who ready and willing for me to meet their children and/or family so very soon after meeting them. Too much for me and I'm kind of glad they disappeared out of my life.

Money seems to have been the worst of my problems. I don't know how it happened. My well just ran dry and with no job prospects and no more stocks and no more anything I fell on hard times about half way through the year. It's been hard and I know a large contribution to my depression. I know things will eventually get better. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

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