Very depressed, not quite suicidal.

I just want to be enough.

He still makes me nervous.

We've known each other for what...like six months now and he still makes me nervous. I want to say it's because I like him and when we do hang out (which is not very often at all) it's like we're almost meeting for the very first time again. Or something like that.

*deep heavy sigh*

Standing in line for forty-five minutes in the cold just to chill at our old spot...what kind of fuckery is that?

There really needs to be a separate entrance for the other venue and/or a list of the regulars in which we can just walk up to the door and not have to wait in that hellacious line.

And what happened to Court doing his set at Blu on Thursdays? Not that I minded...it was like old days.

*laughs*

As if it was THAT long ago.

That head rub was pretty nice...I could use another one right about now.

Yay, he may be back in town in three weeks.

Maybe we can get it right this time and see each other again.

I'm excited.

I'm glad to have something to look forward to.

Ugh, I hate when my cartilage piercings are sore.

I'm so very tired of being alone. It's my own fault.

"...what would it take...to show you what you mean to me...every word I say...let's you know that you complete me...I'd paint your name in stars...I'd be all that you want in life...if given me the chance...I know I'd make the perfect wife...the way I feel about you is far more complex than words I say...the reason I feel this way...I wanna do for you...it's easy to say I love you...the truth of my love shall reveal...this feeling I have inside...I wanna do for you...can't you see true love...it's staring you right in your eyes...I'm giving you so much...your heart I'd never compromise..."

I'm the perfect wife...for someone out there. And the perfect husband is out there for me. We'll meet eventually if we haven't already.

I'm feeling like a really big failure right now. In just about every aspect of my life.

It sucks.

I really need a friend right now.

All this crying again.

I don't know if it's because I know I'll be spending New Year's Eve alone AGAIN or it's the depression. Or probably a combination of both.

I miss having sex on a consistent basis.

It's been a long time since there's been any of that.

I NEED to get back into my own place again...soon.

Okay so knitting sucks...I'll just stick with crochet for now.

"...don't feel no pity for me because I'm going through a couple things...all my I had a constant burning a strong deep desire...for something better...for something bigger...and no regret cause I ain't seemed to find it yet...I get sad sometimes...still can't seem to find what I'm looking for...I just wanna be loved...like everybody else does...I just wanna be loved...I just wanna be loved..."

There's been a lot of crying lately.

Every day for the last couple of days at least.

I'm trying to hold it all together but I can't.

When will it be my turn?

When does this get easier?

I just want to be pampered and doted on. Just for a day. One day all about me.

Please.

New Year's Eve alone again? Probably. Nothing new.

I'm craving pancakes from IHOP. The one's that have little chunks of cheesecake in them topped with strawberries. Mmmm.

"Every relationship is fundamentally a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less.

Can't stop crying.

Very depressed, not quite suicidal.