heavy - making changes

Here I am. If you ever wondered what I looked like full length, this is it. Most of my photos are from the shoulders up because dudes are always checking out my boobs. I also don't particularly care to see myself in photos full length because this is NOT what I see when I look in the mirror (at home).

When I was in Milwaukee for work, at the end of the hall there was a mirror that I had to walk towards to get to my room. I caught myself in the mirror and realized that I walk like a fat person, my thighs get in each others way. It made me a little sad. I'd already planned to start running because I joined a 5K and needed to start training for it, but seeing myself in the mirror from that vantage point, walking heading on. *deep heavy sigh* When did this happen? Something needed to change.

I've been content with my weight/shape for quite some time now. I've always been told that I was beautiful and that I didn't need to lose weight, that my curves were just right and I didn't need to do anything with them. Even in college when I went from 150 to 200+ lbs, someone was standing in the mirror behind me telling me that I was beautiful. I've had no reason to believe otherwise. So why would I change anything?

And while I'm still content with my size/shape for the most part, I still have days where I'm unhappy with what I see in the mirror (at home). I'm definitely thankful that I'm a little on the tall side and that I'm proportional. When I am unhappy it's usually when it comes time to go shopping,  when I see old pictures or when I catch myself in the mirror like I did in Milwaukee.

Shopping CAN be the pits. I'm not quite plus size and I'm not quite misses. A plus size shirt will fit through the bust, but be loose through the torso and a misses shirt will be tight through the bust, but perfect through the rest of the torso. I can't win so I end up wearing a lot of t-shirts. Nice and comfy. Stretchy. I will occasionally pick up empire waist dresses, but have to be careful or I end up looking pregnant. (Thank goodness for skinny belts.) Bottoms are another issue. If they fit through the hips and thighs, they're probably big through the waist. :( And as of the last couple of years a lot of my bottoms get ruined quickly through the inner thigh because they rub together so much. Patches only do so much and don't look nice on everything.

So I finally think that I'm ready to make some real changes, like get off my butt and see this through until the end changes (as opposed to lets do this for a week or two and then make an excuse to quit). I want to get myself in better shape and healthy, not just for me, but for my future mate and the children I wish to have. While I think it's crazy to live long into my 70's or 80's, I still want to be healthy and have energy to live the life that I have. I stay busy, so the extra energy will come in handy.

Since I signed up for a 5K, I've already started training for it by doing Couch to 5K. I thought it'd be the pits to wake up at 6AM to go running, but I actually enjoy it. I feel refreshed when I get done. I don't even run that fast. As a matter of fact I probably jog about as fast as I power walk, but it's something. And two weeks into it I'm starting to feel stronger. I can jog for longer than I thought I was capable of. Now all I need to do is add in some weights. I wish I could afford a gym membership. I used to LOVE going to the gym to work out.

I still don't eat as well as I could. I love sweets and cheese and carbs. Small changes. I stopped eating a lot of processed food a long time ago. I don't know if it has  helped any, but I feel better about not eating  things I can't pronounce (though I do sometimes eat a freezer meal, when I want something quick). Thankfully I love to cook and bake. The plan is to start eating vegetarian one whole week a month and one day a week every week. One day a week is pretty easy, sometimes I go a couple of days a week without eating meat and don't ever realize it. More fruits and vegetables for sure. Smoothies will be my best friend again. I just need to work on eating less sweets. It's going to be tough.


I'm not sure how much of my progress I plan to share here, but I thought this was definitely a start. If you're interested in my progress, shoot me an email or leave me a comment. Maybe it'll help me be a little more accountable. Like I've got a partner I'm competing against or something. :)