Sunday, July 15, 2012

heavy - making changes

Here I am. If you ever wondered what I looked like full length, this is it. Most of my photos are from the shoulders up because dudes are always checking out my boobs. I also don't particularly care to see myself in photos full length because this is NOT what I see when I look in the mirror (at home).

When I was in Milwaukee for work, at the end of the hall there was a mirror that I had to walk towards to get to my room. I caught myself in the mirror and realized that I walk like a fat person, my thighs get in each others way. It made me a little sad. I'd already planned to start running because I joined a 5K and needed to start training for it, but seeing myself in the mirror from that vantage point, walking heading on. *deep heavy sigh* When did this happen? Something needed to change.

I've been content with my weight/shape for quite some time now. I've always been told that I was beautiful and that I didn't need to lose weight, that my curves were just right and I didn't need to do anything with them. Even in college when I went from 150 to 200+ lbs, someone was standing in the mirror behind me telling me that I was beautiful. I've had no reason to believe otherwise. So why would I change anything?

And while I'm still content with my size/shape for the most part, I still have days where I'm unhappy with what I see in the mirror (at home). I'm definitely thankful that I'm a little on the tall side and that I'm proportional. When I am unhappy it's usually when it comes time to go shopping,  when I see old pictures or when I catch myself in the mirror like I did in Milwaukee.

Shopping CAN be the pits. I'm not quite plus size and I'm not quite misses. A plus size shirt will fit through the bust, but be loose through the torso and a misses shirt will be tight through the bust, but perfect through the rest of the torso. I can't win so I end up wearing a lot of t-shirts. Nice and comfy. Stretchy. I will occasionally pick up empire waist dresses, but have to be careful or I end up looking pregnant. (Thank goodness for skinny belts.) Bottoms are another issue. If they fit through the hips and thighs, they're probably big through the waist. :( And as of the last couple of years a lot of my bottoms get ruined quickly through the inner thigh because they rub together so much. Patches only do so much and don't look nice on everything.

So I finally think that I'm ready to make some real changes, like get off my butt and see this through until the end changes (as opposed to lets do this for a week or two and then make an excuse to quit). I want to get myself in better shape and healthy, not just for me, but for my future mate and the children I wish to have. While I think it's crazy to live long into my 70's or 80's, I still want to be healthy and have energy to live the life that I have. I stay busy, so the extra energy will come in handy.

Since I signed up for a 5K, I've already started training for it by doing Couch to 5K. I thought it'd be the pits to wake up at 6AM to go running, but I actually enjoy it. I feel refreshed when I get done. I don't even run that fast. As a matter of fact I probably jog about as fast as I power walk, but it's something. And two weeks into it I'm starting to feel stronger. I can jog for longer than I thought I was capable of. Now all I need to do is add in some weights. I wish I could afford a gym membership. I used to LOVE going to the gym to work out.

I still don't eat as well as I could. I love sweets and cheese and carbs. Small changes. I stopped eating a lot of processed food a long time ago. I don't know if it has  helped any, but I feel better about not eating  things I can't pronounce (though I do sometimes eat a freezer meal, when I want something quick). Thankfully I love to cook and bake. The plan is to start eating vegetarian one whole week a month and one day a week every week. One day a week is pretty easy, sometimes I go a couple of days a week without eating meat and don't ever realize it. More fruits and vegetables for sure. Smoothies will be my best friend again. I just need to work on eating less sweets. It's going to be tough.

I'm not sure how much of my progress I plan to share here, but I thought this was definitely a start. If you're interested in my progress, shoot me an email or leave me a comment. Maybe it'll help me be a little more accountable. Like I've got a partner I'm competing against or something. :)


Anonymous said...

i should agree with everyone who's telling you that you're beautiful and is in the perfect size for you. you're curvy and proportioned. that's what i've been aiming for for quite some time now. :)

about the clothes, there is just something about being able to wear what you want that motivates me to really eat healthy and work out.

i hope you achieve the weight you want and the shape that will be perfect for your style. keep us posted! :)

Laura said...

You are awesome and brave!!

Louise.Amabilis said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog :)
I've seen you over on Rima's quite a bit but for some reason never made my way over here, I'm glad you took the first step because I'm in huge need of some motivation! I'm also someone who is proportionally ok, so when I see pictures of myself I always think "it's not too bad..." however when I look in the mirror or try on clothing...whole other story!! I totally sympathize with the crotch blowouts! There is a reason I almost exclusively wear dresses and you better know that I'm always wearing biker shorts underneath, otherwise I'm chafing like crazy! And the pregnant thing...again, there's a reason why I started making my own clothing, I either look pregnant from the clothing being to blousy or like a slut with my boobs all packed tight! Good thing I LOVE everything 40's to 60's, that means incredibly flattering silhouettes! In my case I'm not looking to loose any more weight (I just lost 10# and am satisfied with it) however I need to get in shape (and keep the weight off), and I'm loving all the inspiration you're providing here and am also planning on linking up with Evani :)

Sorry for the long comment with way tmi but I basically just wanted to say thanks :)