Monday, January 1, 2007

You Know that thing when you see yourself in the water...yeah that OR...Reflections of 2006

I would have to say that this year has been a pretty darn good year for the most part.  Although there have been a lot of tears over this, that and sometimes nothing at all I think the laugh and time spent with friends outweighs them.

Friends:  This year has been fantabulous in the realm of friends.  I've made so many connections with new people the last half of this year than I did the four and a half years I was in college.  I know I don't come off as the friendliest person but many have come to see past that and have gotten to know me and in turn I've gotten to know them. I'm glad that I was able to come out of my shell and open up to let these people into my life.  I can only hope that our friendships will grown and strength as time goes on.  I know that I've met each and every one of them for a reason.

Relationships:  On the opposite side like/love wasn't in the stars for me.  My feelings were hurt several times being picked last like the fat kid who no one wants on their team for kickball.  I can't say I wasn't partially to blame with my cold attitude and not speaking up about what I wanted.  I lied to myself when I stated I wasn't looking for a relationship.  It was a learning experience though.  I know now to open up and speak up about what I want.  It wasn't all bad though, I've got a few new possibilities and now that I know what I want I can put myself out there honestly and hope for success.  I'm looking forward to falling in love.

I also got to spend a weekend hanging with my ex this summer who I hadn't seen in 5 years.  I enjoyed his company and had fun reminicing about our relationship.  But he left me with feelings of what if and what could have been.  After much thought I realized I couldn't be with him again.  It wasn't ment to be, but I appreciate that he has always encouraged and supported me and my creative endevours.

School:  January was the beginning of work on my second Bachelor's.  It's been rough for me.  While taking classes online gave me the freedom to work on things on my own time I still had a rough time committing myself to it and learned an expensive lesson.  It's going to take me longer to get where I want, but when I recommit myself next fall I know I'll be able to do it even if I have to go at a slower pace than I want to.

Work:  I was fired for the first time this year.  But it was okay for the most part because I was becoming too content with where I was.  I miss the money though...but I would've still had to find something else due to the job being seasonal.  My new job is good.  I'm fairing well there and have been asked to take a management position in which I would be using my degree, but I've declined it.  The pay increase isn't worth the added responsibility, especially since it's not where I want to be.  I also began to pursue what I really want to do and have had some success and am looking forward to what's to come.

General:  Still not a licensed driver.  One goal I kept pushing off.  A fear I'm ready to face.  One thing I think that holds me back from a lot of other areas in my life.  Sure I don't have to worry about those added bills, but other worries are created.

I lost some weight...and then gained it all back with a little extra.  But I'm comfortable enough with myself that I still wear that two piece out to the pool.  I do still have days where I can't believe this is me. There are going to be a lot of changes to come.  I'm ready to reunite with the body I used to have.

My creatitivity has fallen off.  I'm still able to put out work, but it's forced and not "mine".  I don't know exactly what happened.  Sometimes I feel like I'm being suffocated in my space and that if I had an actual room or table just for painting/designing/etc. I'd be more motivated and successful.

I'm looking forward to finding out more about myself this coming year.  I'm looking forward to improving myself too.  I'm looking forward a lot of things, being more positive, a bigger apartment...everything.

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