*deep heavy sigh*

I'm sorry creepy old man who lives on the corner I don't want to go to your house and do aerobics with you. Please go back to mowing your lawn and quit following me.

Fuck off and stop staring at me.

I'm obviously not a morning person.

"...Babe when I'm with you it makes me wanna be a better man...Every day and night it's true, you make me wanna be a better man...Hanging out with you just makes me wanna be a better man and...Laying up with you really makes me wanna be a better man..."

Should hanging out with someone make me want to be a better person, shouldn't I want to be a better person all on my own? Does that make sense?

Okay so I'm not happy with my current situation and I know I talk about it quite often and yet I don't and there is never any mention of changing it or trying to change it. And I'm sure I sound like a whiney bitch, but guess what...it's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.

One step at a time.

Dude, that was such a girl move. You were not joking. "Damn, u get sum an I don't hear from u." (A text I received the next day. Maybe I should've texted him.)

Some days all I have is my music.

I can feel a cry hiding underneath the surface. It's waiting to burst free.

"...if I had a dollar every time I heard a yes I would be...a millionaire but I'd settle for whatever, as long as I could get with you...I'll settle for a maybe from you...Even an I'll think about it baby cause you...Looking at you, got me acting all crazy...But I'd settle for whatever as long as I could get with you..."

I'm still waiting ever so patiently. Not settling...but it's hard and my patience is starting to wear thin.

Being back in school would be nice. Career student. Structure. Learning.

Mmmmm...a cupcake sounds really good right now.

The grass is always greener on the other side.

I need someone to listen and not judge. Someone who isn't going to say it's going to be okay. Sure things will improve, but shut up and JUST LISTEN.

Why did a group of...people...one wearing a large boom box around his neck and a camera walk into Einstein, blast Soulja Boy and start dancing...badly. What the fuck is going on? [It was later confirmed it was Radio Now's Morning Mess.]

Why does it seem certain people are fascinated with that song and dance.

*deep heavy sigh*

Work...bleh.

Dude, why of all places must you sit next to me. And close your fucking legs and quit hogging up all the seat. I'm already squished up against the window and can you keep your elbow out of my side. Shit, do you know nothing about personal space. Excuse me...yes...you sitting next to me...get up...move so I can get out of this seat. Quit looking at me like I'm crazy. Shit.

Sweet, sweet nap...how do I love thee.

Excuse me...but uh...how are you going to give me my check...and I haven't even gotten my drink yet?

Both NotInterested and TallMcHell at D'Vine just across the room from each other. Too funny. NotInterested said he wasn't even coming out to the "club" tonight, not that he stayed long. I think he just wanted to see me. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

What the hell was Maudra doing with that man? Get a room. Although if someone is going to throw money at me and I ain't even got to take off my clothes then cool.

I thought Cassandra was about to Chuck Norris that man. I tried to step in his way to save him the embarrassment of a kick in the throat by a woman, but my intervention skills are lacking. (Glad you made it out...it's always good to see a familiar face amongst all the strangers that seem to have taken over.)

Not so much of a sausage fest this week as much as it was last week. And how come it gets so effin' hot in there? It's a new place and they charge a cover...can they get some air conditioning or something? They also need to hire more servers. The 3? they have aren't cuttin' it.

Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck...no iPod today. No music to help keep me sane.

I need the school bus driver to keep his eyes on the road and not on me. Do your job.

Going to Chicago with him Thursday would be nice. [He's not staying over night, oh well.]

Going with him to Atlanta would be even better. Hotel sex is the shit.

Oh well.

36 J/K. WTF?

I think the photo shoot this morning went well. I was more comfortable with my client this time. We talked and laughed. And I found out we have more friends in common, one we both randomly met in Chicago. How bizarre.

TheStudent was toying with my emotions today. That fucker. He asked me to come down to see him tonight, even offered to pay for my bus ticket or the hotel. He's leaving for France in a couple of weeks and this was probably the only time I'd get to see him even if only for a few hours. And after much contemplation I was about to buy my ticket with the few dollars left that I just so happened to have and then he said no, don't...we'll meet again. I want badly to see him again before he goes. Argh!

ATLShawty is excited to be coming to visit next month and that's nice. I'm not quite as excited as I think I should be. But it should be fun.

The alarm went off this evening and freaked me out. I so don't want to be home alone right now. I don't know why I feel so uneasy to be home by myself when I'm here by my lonesome all the time.

TheLiar, NotInterested, TallMcHell, frustrated with them all.

*heavy sigh*

If TallMcHell REALLY wanted to see me driving 10 miles across town would NOT be an issue. Cost of gas or not.

I want very much to just be held right now. To be comforted and taken care of. I need peace and freedom and this and that.