Tuesday, October 2, 2007

...I just wanna be loved...

Oy, I'm feeling overwhelmed and super frustrated right now. I can feel a cry building momentum inside.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow, mostly because I'm tired of it. I've gone as far as I'm going to go. If I didn't need the money I'd quit or scale back my hours to once a week.

I'm mad at myself for not learning to drive sooner, for being unconcerned about it and not caring that I couldn't get around on my own. I'm independent in so many other ways except for this one aspect.

Sometimes I try to be too independent for my own good. It's okay to ask for help.

My ID is officially expired and now I must carry my passport with me as proof of age and identity. I guess it's a good thing I probably won't be going out for awhile. [It kind of fucking sucks to have to carry around my passport since it doesn't really fit in any of my wristlets nicely. Must remedy this problem quickly.]

I just realized that I do some stupid ass shit when I'm hanging around FlashDance and there's even the tiniest bit of alcohol involved.

Fun Sex Fact courtesy of Man and Wife TV: Women who have more sex were clinically proven to be less depressed than women who don't have sex. (I knew my theory was right, I'm always a nicer, happier person when I'm getting some.)

"...I've been searching around the world...never knowing what to expect...I get sad sometimes...I be mad sometimes...cause I'm out here on the grind...making mine and I still can't seem to find...what I've been looking for...open so many doors...I just wanna be loved...I just wanna be loved like everybody else does...I just wanna be loved...I just wanna be loved...

I really do just want to be loved. I know I don't act like I want someone in my life to love me...but I do.

TheStudent, the one person I think I was falling in love with, is leaving for France today. It's not helping my already shaky emotional state.

I want a new pair of sexy peep toe heels. I know they'll hurt my feet and I won't wear them very often, but I still want a pair.

Ergh...Karma you bitch...why you gotta do me like that. Fucking fucker.

TheLiar, TheLiar, TheLiar...what's going on with you, how come you're calling again all of a sudden? What's going on in that pretty little head of yours.

Shrimp and grits and a toasted peanut butter and jelly sammich. The perfect way to start the day. No I'm not pregnant. I just eat what I have a taste for even if it doesn't go together. And it was DAMN good. *brushes crumbs off of chest*

Fuckin' A...my nipples hurt.

Ugh...damn bills...quit taking all my money.

I see some light at the end of the tunnel...even if it's just a tiny bit. It's making me a little happier and I'm feeling a little more productive even though there are only less than four hours left to the day.

I think I'm going through social interaction withdrawal and I don't even like people that much. I haven't been out the past two nights. It's a little weird. I know soon though that I'll will probably be back to my homebody ways and it'll just be home and work. I'm not really looking forward to any of that...but it might be what's best for me.

I miss me sometimes. That kick ass, silly, sarcastic, creative chick. She's around here somewhere.

"...I wanna put my fingers through your hair...wrap me up in your legs...and love you til your eyes roll back...I'm trying to put you bed, bed, bed...I'mma put you to bed, bed, bed..."

It be nice if someone could put me to bed right about now. I've got a couple of people in mind that would do the job just right.

*deep heavy sigh*

I'm hungry.

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