What if there never is a right time?

Even though our situations are quite different there similar at the same time.

Why did I ask for something I really didn't want? Thankfully it was unable to be provided anyway. It's as if someone was looking our for me.

After last nights conversation I shouldn't want him or want to be with him. I should want someone better, because I deserve better. But no I still want him. Why do we always want what's not good for us?

*deep heavy sigh*

"...for you I'd do anything...even if it means I let you go...never know what you mean to me...because I never let my feelings show...but this crush was just a game...now I know that this is very real...the way I feel may not ever change...the fantasy of you with me surreal...what am I to do...this heart of mine is blue...just can't get over you...how can I move of on...with the thought of you so strong...just can't get over you...cause every now and then I think I'm crazy...even to ever try to make you mine...can't you see this is killing me...to know that deep down inside I'm not your kind...silly dreams lead me right to you...where you hold me tight...treat me right...love me like you love...love to be loved...want to be loved...my one and only me...I just can't get...tell me how...just can't get...what am I to do...this hear of mine is blue...I'm interested in being with you...sure I know you think that I dear might be foolish too...ever try...why oh why...just can't get...over you...cause every now and then I think I'm crazy...what am I to do...I love you...I want you...don't you want me...I can't live without you...oh what am I do to..."

Him helping and encouraging me just makes me want him more. Could we have a strictly business relationship? Why not?

How is it that music has the keen ability to express exactly how you're feeling at any given moment? Who's queuing up my iPod like that?

Oops...wrong color. Dang it...that would happen when I'm all geeked about it and now I have to wait another day.

I want to be adored.

Why do I attract men that are already attached in one way or another? Am I giving off some sort of come hit on me if your married/engaged/in a serious relationship vibe? Why did a friend of mine tell me that I'm that one girl he'd cheat on his girlfriend (if he had one) with? Why am I THAT girl? I'm not the girl to be sneaking around with.

I deserve to be No. 1. Give that No. 2 spot to someone else.

I'm thankful for a last minute invitation to dinner and being able to spend the day with friends.

Did he REALLY call on Thanksgiving of ALL days? I'm glad I was out. If I had spent the day at home alone who knows what could've happened.

I DO say some mean shit when NotInterested is trying to be sweet/nice to me. But really I do it on purpose. I don't want him to get attached, but I think he might already be.

*shakes head*

I know being mean is my way of keeping people at arms length and not letting them get close. Protecting myself so to speak. Unfortunately I sometimes say mean things unintentionally to friends as well.

I have to work on that.

Wow now they have a game where you have to pack the trunk of the car before it explodes...can't we come up with something more creative than that?

I need to learn to be more aggressive when I'm wronged. Maybe I can't be an asshole when it comes to retail shit because I work retail.

Not a lot of listing worthy things going on lately. Just the beginning of the holidays.

*sigh*

Me no likey the holidays...everyone wants/expects something from you. That's why I choose not to celebrate. Let me sleep until after Christmas.

I'm regretting this new 'do just a bit. I'll get over it eventually though.

Holiday depression is about to set in. What can we do to fight it this year?

Festivus for the rest of us.

The Budget starts today.

He refers to her as his "friend". It's actually kind of funny that he refers to her in that manner. She's got to be more than that to him if he spent the holiday at her mother's house with her and is going out of state with her to her work's holiday party. I mean seriously.

He's making this easy...yet still so hard.

Why do people wait to start a family or meet someone or settle down? I'm not waiting for things to be just right to have a child or meet someone. It'll happen when it happens. If it's in the middle of me starting my business...oh well. Maybe that's when it's supposed to happen. Why wait and put it off? What if there never is a right time?

*deep heavy sigh*

A lot of sighing going on lately. I REALLY need to get on my ish and make some changes. And I need to stop saying I'm going to do things and actually DO them.

I have a make shift planner and it's helping...but I have a long way to go.