For the past week I've felt like I just want to curl up in a ball somewhere and cry. And if I could force the cry to come out I would. I'm all for a good cry. There is also a feeling of despair that is hanging out. I don't feel sad, but I feel heavy. I don't like it. I wish I knew why I felt this way so I could make it go away.
Am I unhappy having to go to my job - yup.
Am I unhappy with where I live - yup.
Do I wish my finances were about 20 times better - yup.
Do I wish I was about 30 lbs lighter - fa sho.
Am I feeling a bit lonely (romantically) - very much so.
But none of that seems to be why I feel like poop. That's all stuff I can control, but it's like something in me is like fuck that shit we're staying right where we are. We're gonna feel like shit. I've been trying to do things that make me happy and things that I enjoy, but the fuzzy feelings don't last for long. I try to motivate myself to leave my apartment when the weather is actually nice, can't bother to get moving. It fucking sucks.
It especially sucks because I have no desire to be creative either and I have a shit ton of work I SHOULD be doing right now. Mother's Day cards to make themselves.
Ugh. Crapptastic feelings won't you please just go away.